Self-Centeredness

A rather mentally exhausting day. Nonetheless, gym perked me up. Especially the decsion to go for my spinning class and Zumba class consecutively. Looks easy. But, try doing it without stoppage for 2 hours biking at a consistant speed & resistance follow with Zumba. U practically feel your joints at a tearing point & muscles burning through your skin. Haha! Really not for the novice. (tsk tsk)

Well, topic of the blog was impromptu. Decided not to publish yesterday due to personal reason. Apologies from me. Was chatting to a long-time friend of mine who, was having some issues on some relationship of the past. But upon advice (not the 1st time, infact numerous times) , I can feel that it was not heeded. Simply because she can't let go. Or should I say, the vengeful heart of one is at work. It is really sad to know as she is already married with a family. I love her alot & as her friend, I felt helpless. In fact, her self-centeredness & ego has made her suffer, tremendously. I hope if she get to read this, it will make her come to her senses.

When we are self-centered and self seeking, we are so focus on ourselves - and yet so out of touch with ourselves that we have difficulty letting anyone or anything else in & that include your love ones. Our self-centeredness is an invisible wall that keeps us from ourselves even as it keeps others at bay. We become so absorbed in trying to manipulate people & circumstances to get what we need that we would not be able to see what we really need if it hit us over the head.

One cannot get out of self-centeredness through self-will. It just does not work. There are, however, two time-tested ways to deal with self-centeredness. The first is to do things for others, to be of service. Even if at 1st we may be doing service for ourselves in hope we will feel better & the process eventually will work its magic. The 2nd is to return to that force of power that is greater than ourselves and hand our will and our lives over it - and wait. It sure doesn't sound easy. But we have to try it - for our own sake & for the sake of those who loves us. Self-centeredness is deadly to ourselves & indirectly affecting our loved ones. Take heed. It's definitely not worth it.

DaRkAnGeL's WoRdS oF WiSdOm :

"Selfishness is not living as one wishes to live, it is asking others to live as one wishes to live. One's life has value so long as one attributes value to the life of others, by means of love, friendship, indignation and compassion."

The Secret Saboteur : When You Are Feeling Blue...

Went gym with my gal friend today. She managed! Finished the Zumba Fitness Dance Class! Was satisfied. Treadmill for 52mins while waiting for her. A great workout ending with a good & long awaited meal. After the whole excruciating happenings of the day, still I managed to stay out of the "blues". Though not always Mondays, I seemed to get alot of such "blue" days. After all, such days are incessant. So, grit your teeth, brace up & bear through all.

After self nurturance, listening to the whispers of our hearts is probably the hardest task we've ever attempted. You felt impossible to quiet down the wants. It seems as if you have too many unfulfilled desires & delayed dreams. You're sick & tired of waiting for inner changes to manifest themselves on the outside. When the dark days come, we need to remember that even if a secret saboteur - depression - is at work, temporarily derailing our progress (or so it seems), each day offers us a gift if we will only look for it. Sometimes we are sad for a very apparent reason. Other times we don't know why we feel so bad, which makes us feel even worse. It could be for a million different reasons - an appalling lack of appreciation (by ourselves & by others), or simply part of the process of personal transformation.

I wish I could tell you spiritual & creative growth was smooth, predictable & without pain. "All the best transformation are accompanied by pain," Fay Weldon tells us. That's the point of them. Personal growth, as I observed, comes in spasms : three steps forward, two steps backwards, & then a long plateau when it seems as though nothing is happening. But it's important to realise that this dormant period we often become depressed & decide to give up.

It's on days like these that you can barely get yourself dressed & out of the door. You looked like hell & couldn't care less. Life seems bleak, not bright with promise. It's taking more work than you expected to discover who you really are, & now you are no longer sure if you even want to find out. When dark clouds hover, what should you do besides holding on & riding out the storm? You have two choices. One is simply to give in, stop resisting. You got the blues, so sing to them. But before you do ask for grace. Then have a good cry (if it works for you). Sleep it off or indulge. soak in a hot tub (if you have one) or simply pull up the covers & snuggle down and then turn out the lights.

The alternative blue-kicker is to shift gears. Ask for grace. Call a good friend & talk. No matter which route you take, within 24 hours the day will be over. Tomorrow should be better. Dark days come to all of us. Yet discouraging days bring with them golden opportunities when we can learn to be kind to ourselves and stop berating ourselves of our misdeeds. Believe it or not, today offers you a hidden gift, if you are willing to search for it.


DaRkAnGeL'S WoRdS oF WiSdOm :

"Perhaps if one knew when one was happy, one would know the things that were necessary for one's life. In my life's chain of events, nothing was ever accidental. Everything happened according to an inner need."

Why Confidence Can't Be Bought But Can Be Borrowed?

Had a great workout today. Went for my 1st Body Combat launch after 1 over year. Totally exhilarating. Taken a great dinner with a gal friend. Went for a long walk at the park, partially due to the guilt of over stuffing ourselves. Bottom line, a great evening ends the hectic day. Must really watch what I eat. It is only recently that my gastric settles down to peaceful mode. Don't wish to repeat history.

Chatted with a gal friend of mine early in the morning & realised that she's going through work dilemmas. She felt stressed & worried as she's not confident where's her career path is leading her. I related to her that self-confidence is an important feature when comes to success. It is essential to help each of us face & surmount the challenges of life. What's most important to realize is that self confidence is available to us all.

As such, an optimistic attitude is essential to self confidence. So is learning from our mistakes & recognising that everything in life can be used as a lesson once we are willing to be taught. "If you think you can, you can. If you think you can't, you are right." When I was younger, my self confidence potion was heavily scented with attitude, optimism and faith; experience, knowledge and wisdom had to come later. But even today every new opportunity or challenge requires that I prepare myself a special batch of moxie for myself. I do this by becoming as thoroughly prepared as possible & by looking the part that exudes self-confidence even when I am not. Next I say my "prayers" & ask for the Power to be switched on. Then "it's showtime." I act as if I'm self confident & the world takes me as such. Try it. It's bloody effective & never fails me.


DaRkAnGeL'S WoRdS oF WiSdOm :
"So many worlds, so much to do. So little done, such things to be. Concern for one should drive us into action & not a depression."

The Blessing Of Friends... Friendships.

Been back for a month already. Seems like I have never left at all. Warmth from friends & colleagues are overwhelming. Still, invitations to meet, to catch-up & chat are still pouring in. Really appreciate the care, concern & support from all. Gotten to know more new friends at a neck-breaking speed. Life is good enough. I shall say my grace. Sometimes I feel relationships of all kinds are such funny things. Though contact is cut, but connection is still strong. I told myself I shall never abuse that. I will need to love others as well as myself better. I may not always be that lucky.

Friendship is so precious - & so necessary. We need friends to serve as mirrors so that we can see ourselves. A good friend clearly sees our faults, reflects them back to us & loves us through them. When we are insecure in ourselves & reluctant to grow & change, we will choose friends who support our stasis, agree with our opinions & demand our silence. When we see our friends acting this way, we must remember that we have chosen them. We reveal alot in the friends we choose.

Our good friends may not always agree with us, yet they never demand our silence when our perspectives differ. Good friends rejoice in our right to grow & in our growth, even if that means that we grow away from them. We are a good friend to others when we do the same thing. Friendship is not a vehicle for control; it is a vehicle for freedom. It is a system that is open in all directions for those who participate.

Angels aren't our only constant reminders of Divinity's devotion to our emotional, physical & psychological well-being. Above all, let your friends know how much you love them. Tell them frequently how much you treasure the gift of their friendship. Sadly, significant others come & go. Parents die. Siblings are separated by distance. But our friends are the continuous threads that help hold up our lives together. Cherish your friends, not only in thought but in action. Friends are people who help you be more yourself, more the person you are intended to be.

Will be meeting my galfriend Joyce tomorrow for dinner with some new friends from Equinix. Miss her quite abit. It has been more than a year since we last met. Drinks & make merry. Let's all embrace life for abit.

DaRkAnGeL'S WoRdS oF WiSdOm :

"Each friend represents a world in us, a world possibly not born until they arrive and it is only by this meeting that a new world is born.."

The Key To Loving...

The key to loving how you live is in knowing what it is you truly love. "To know what you prefer instead of humbly saying Amen to what the world tells you ought to prefer, is to keep your soul alive. Keeping our soul alive & nurturing our creativity is what interests us today. And it will make life worth living.

All too rarely do we stop to let ourselves realize what a gift love is. We get so bound up in our expectations, wants & needs that we lose track of what is being given to us. And all too often we become distracted by whether we are loved or not, and thus being loved becomes our focus. It's great to be loved; words are inadequate to describe the exquisite feeling of that experience. Yet absolutely nothing can even slightly compare with the marvellous feeling of being the one who loves. The lover of our completion is ourselves.

When we allow ourselves to love, we have stepped into the pool of transcendence that flows above and beyond ourselves into the all-that-is. When we allow ourselves to love, to be the lover, we are indeed given a "glimpse of eternity." It's much more risky to our well-being not to allow ourselves to love.

NB: Since you want me to expound on this topic, I thought it may be a good idea for you to give a thorough thought before asking me that question of yours again. (you know who you are) :-) By the way, I won't choose to publish your comments. Too personal. Will get other readers all affected. Hope you understand. Other comments will be scrutinised before publishing.

DaRkAnGeL'S WoRdS oF WiSdOm :

"The story of love is not important - what is important is that one is capable of love. It is perhaps the only glimpse we are permitted of eternity. Loving is a process of the heart in which you develop your power. Being loved is a process of the mind in which you develop your knowledge."

"Knowledge of what or who you love somehow comes to you; you don't have to study or analyze. If you love enough, knowledge of that something or someone seeps into you, with particulars more real than any charts can furnish."

Comments :

*it's always easier said than done. But having read what U wrote, I think I am lucky enough not to go through what you did. You will find someone just the same if not better.

*The art of purging. You are the genius here.

*Gal, I take my hat off. But next time do tell us before you go disappearing again. We missed you like crazy!

D.A ~ There won't be happening. I promised somebody & I think it's a wee bit selfish of me to hurt any more souls. I will stay here for gd. Thanks anyway for valuing my presence this much. :-)

*My dear Angel. life will be as good as you said whenever you are there for me. Love you Babe.

*If we were to use skydiving as an analogy, then you will be my parachute. If we were to use scuba diving, then you will definitely be my oxygen tank. Love you like crazy.

D.A ~ I am flatter though an oxygen tank or parachute doesn't looked too attractive. (LOL)

Endings... that's The Start Of Beginning, The Next Chapter of Life.

Endings are one of the areas in which we lose our balance the most. As busy people, all too often we don't want to take the time necessary to deal with endings. We prefer to create a crisis, generate emotion overflow with adrenaline & storm out believing that we have constructed an ending. All too often though we have created a scene, not an ending. The ending process retreats beneath our consciousness, where it swirls around, affecting us more than we care to admit.

We had best learn to deal with endings, because our lives are make up of beginnings, endings & time in transition. Relationship end. We may continue in a new relationship with that same person or even a past relationship may rekindle into another relationship of a higher level with a better understanding. (If you are fortunate enough) But in order to do that, we must deal with the ending of the old relationship.

To be frank, I am never a person who believes in going backwards in relationships. To me relationships can't be dealt retrospectively. People move on. But in reality, I have seen enough, including my own clients, having separated & got back again. It's definitely not easy & I don't think I have the dare to assume such task. Nonetheless, reconciliations happened all around us. Maybe to many of our friends too. So, it needs not a miracle for such happenings.

There was this night I was chatting with a close friend of mine. That is also the time I confided about a past relationship I had when I was just a teenager (18yrs old). I was so sure that I had found my "Prince Charming" & he will definitely be the one I will spend the rest of my life with. We shared a wonderful 17 months together. But unfortunately, he lost his life in a terrible accident. My world collapsed. I was devastated. Life was never the same again. I retreated to my silent world. It took a long time for me to recover my poise. It was this experience that taught me to view life in a very authentic manner. Learning to detach is indeed a very painful lesson. But good enough, I have to only learn it once. And that's more than a handful.

Now, coming to this age, I can look backwards & have a better grasp & control with my emotions & relationships. Yes, there is the pain & melancholy. You can have a good cry & move on. If the appreciation & value isn't there, what more can you do. So, if you think you are unfortunate to lose this so-called perfect relationship of yours, learn to embrace it & look forward to a transformation. It may be an enjoyable journey after all. It is only in acknowledging, accepting & working through the change process that we are ready to welcome the new (& the old aspects of the old)

DaRkAnGeL's WoRdS oF WiSdOm :

"The adventure is over. Everything gets over, and nothing is ever enough. Except the part you carry with you. May the great mystery make sunrise in your heart."

The World Is Too Much With Us...

"The world is too much with us" one of my favorite Romantic (poet) William Wordsworth complained over 200 years ago. "Getting & spending, we lay wate our powers." (I can only remember these 2 stanzas) Today, many of us will agree with him. We are chronically exhausting from the "getting" - the amount of energy spent earning a living, attending to the demands of life & to the whimps & fancies of love ones. But despite of all the gloom & doom that constantly assaults our senses, there is a way for us to ransome our lives & reclaim our futures : it consists in turning away from the world to recognize what in life makes us truly happy.

At least it works for me. Just recently a good friend expressed his fears to me. Telling me that he will be really affected if I move on with my life without him when I get married. I was indeed disturbed by such thoughts. As many who knows me, I was (& still is) constantly battling with the different opinions of people who forcefully trying to (still trying though not much of success - yet) exercise their influences on me. Adding on with the tremendous work load & family obligations, I began to withdraw myself into my own world. At least I get back my bearings & life goes on. For each of us, what that is happy will be different. But once we obtain this inner knowledge, we will possess the ability to transform our outer world. To me, one can live a lifetime and at the end of it, know more about other people than you know about yourself & making others happy more than you providing happiness to yourself. We cannot let this continue to occur.

Happened to be quite a few friends' birthday this week & next. At presence & in advance wishing all of you a very wonderful & happy birthday. Especially you who sent me an email to remind me. Hahaha! I did remember - 28 September. Dinner's on me. Just make sure you keep your promise not to fall in love with me (LOL) And don't send me any more messages lamenting about being old. Remember, each age is different & each is utterly so valuable. If we can live each as we do, we'll have all the ages that went before with us as we move into the next phases of our lives. we do not need to leave the ages behind : we build on them. Why worry about getting older ? If we live each age, old age will be a glorious culmination.

DaRkAnGeL'S WoRdS oF WiSdOm :

"Flops are part of life's menu & I'm never a girl to miss out on a course. Let me remember that each life must follow its own course, and that what happens to other people has absolutely nothing to do with me."

Post Your Comments to - darkange1_ 23@hotmail.com (underscore between 1_23)

Comments:

*Great choice of topics. Looking forward to more of other life issues such as how to deal with dark hours, blues & frustrations.

*You rocked my world - again. If I were to live life again, I will still choose to know you. Though you kept telling me that's a bad idea. Where's the love you once promised me. No matter what, I will always be there when you need me.

* God blessed.

Relationships... Letting Go, Holding On

A most draining & energy-depleting day, both mentally & physically. A 2 hr gym session seemed great. But my mind was whirling madly on the questions posed to me & amidst my own emotional turmoil, while pounding myself silly on the treadmill for a solid hour. Again, the infamous topic of the day - never fail to wreaked havoc to my overheated mind.

Modern society has developed a cultural need to be filled up. We are so afraid of any emptiness that we feel inside that any awareness of this void sends us scurrying to fill it up ... with anything - just fill it up. Yet there is no way we can experience balance in our lives with constant and continued fullness. Somewhere down the road, discontentment sets in & changes the direction of the path we are on.

Getting the 1st hand understanding from a gal friend of mine that she had most readily agreed to marriage but regreting it almost immediately. Reason - she has changed. But responsibilities has already came crashing down. That will caused more debris if she back off. But she won't take heed. She says she only has one shot to happiness, and this has to be it. As she is feeling so empty inside, she simply can't go on with a normal life. Similarly, another comes pouring to me the reason she wants to move on to someone else because she can't accept the emptiness within her when she parted her ways with her husband of many years.

It is of utmost importance for us to learn, to be aware of & to value our places of emptiness. It is normal & enriching to feel an emptiness & loss when a relationship ends. Taking the time to experience the void, the loneliness when a relationship ends. Taking time to experience the void & the loss, no matter how long, will more than pay off in the years to come. When we accept the balancing of emptiness in our lives, we begin to have a better knowing of the Is.

It will be a wonderful concept to grasp onto - letting go & holding on. We so often distort ourselves completely out of balance when by trying to hold onto something or someone that needs to go or already gone - a job, a thing, a person , a life. Expecting everything will last forever is one of the more dangerous things we do to ourselves. We can shift our perspective. We can be grateful for the experience & time we had & let go of the person or thing. Crazy as one may think, celebrate the pleasure. Celebrate the sharing & the love. And then accept the loss & let go if there's no more grounds of possibilty. As I kept telling everyone who's experiencing conflicts from the affairs of the heart, everyday many people fall in love & many more fell out of it. In the process, we may shift our perceptions & our expectations.

Brace on my dear friends. Life will get better.

DaRkAnGeL'S WoRdS oF WiSdOm :

"Losing is the price we pay for living. It is also the source of much of our growth & gain. It is difficult to define grief as joy. Each is finite. Each will fade."

Relationships ... Is There Ever A Perfection?

It was a really long break for me. Away from Singapore for more than a year. Wasn't the 1st time I went back for a long period. But this has to be considered as the most 'daunting'. Similarly, I faced all sorts of relationship dilemmas. Believe me, the tear created wasn't easy to bear either. But life is often unpredictable, often thrown into turmoil of choices & priorities. When met with such, what can one do.

Happened to get a call from a friend yesterday. She was upset with the relationships hurdles that kept surfacing in her life. Not that I am an expert in this area. I just told her to give it a good cry & let nature takes its course. If you can't salvage it, then there is nothing much you can do. But if you can't live without it, then turn to other distractions. Has to say that many of us confused relationships with magic. We wished for relationships that are fantastic, intimate, loving, open, gentle & supportive. Our 1st priority is actually the ability to find the right person and magically enter into the perfect relationship, then have it continue flawlessly, so that we can get on with the other more important things in our life. We hope that we can fix up our relationships once & for all & have them stay that way forever. But that is totally wrong. No one, as far as I know, will stay where they are. Maybe there is. But I have yet to really see. ( & I know you are gonna make a comment. Whoever you are, my dear friend.)

I know many of you can't post your comments here. But it's fine to email me instead. Unless you insist or up to my discretion, I will post it out for you if there's any ' intrinsic' value to it. Anyway thanks for all you guys support. You all know who you are. So, not mentioning names.


DaRkAnGeL's WoRdS oF WiSdOm :

"Listening to your heart is not simple. Finding out who you are is even more complex. It takes a lot of hard work & courage to get to know who you are & what you want. Take heed. Always be a first rate version of yourself, instead of a second-rate version of somebody else."

"It's only when we truly know & understand that we have a limited time on earth - & that we have no way of knowing when our time is up - that we will begin to live each day to the fullest, as if it was the only one we had. Identify your happiness & that's what really matter because you live life but once. Whatever or whoever comes, may not pass this way again. There may not be any second chances."

What A Day! Finally it's over...

Today was a day I can hardly forget. Talking, presenting & wheezing at the same time. Can't be any worse I guess. Nope. You are wrong. Gastric attack! Still I was at Novena Church with my ger friends. Asked for health & happiness for all love ones & friends. Sigh... I can bearly sit on my chair now to type. Can't do much today. Sorry everybody, will give a double when better.

Recognizing Burnout Before You're Charred

A terrible day of bad cough & breathlessness. Just when it can't choose a better timing for my topsy-turvy gastric, my asthma kicks in to join the fray. Can’t gym. Feels lousy. Was asking why aren’t the inhalers working?! Everyone & every doctor I went to told the same. That I am a complete victim of stress. Emotional stress & definitely suffering from a burnout.

After away for a whole year, not only am I not recharged, I feel exhausted & suffering a burnout. I voice my intent to quit my job (not as if I can) another voice came into my head berating me for my insanity. My mom calls me a big "risk taker", burning my candle at both ends, embarking on too many a thing at the same time. As she commented about me before - setting the world on fire comes with risks. Unfortunately we usually don't realize this until smoke gets in our eyes.

Burnout is a condition caused by unbalance : too much work or responsibility, too little time to do it, over too long a period. We have been cruising on the fast lane but we've been running on fumes rather than on fuel. Often we think that burnout is something that just happens to other people - to workaholics & perfectionists. But it could be anyone, experiencing changes & experiencing loss.

Burnout often begins with illness you can't shake to chronic fatique - and is usually accompanied by depression. Guess I am going through such possibilities. When you are suffering from burnout, you are the only person on earth who can help because you are the only one who can make the lifestyle changes that need to be made : to call a halt, to take a slower path, to make a detour. When you have no more strength left, you have no choice but to rely on the strength of a saner Power to restore you to Wholeness. In the pursuit of our souls, Spirit takes no prisoners.

Was talking to a few friends & colleagues of mine. All mentioned about the changes they see in me. Seemed to them I have turn to be more solemn & melancholic. But all will soon be well. I hope.

DaRkAnGeL'S WoRdS Of WiSdOm :

"Indeed we should not take any credits for our talents. It's how we use them that counts. Many a time you make a wrong choice out of a spur of anger. You believe you can't change. Take heed. It is the soul's duty to be loyal to its own desires. It must abandon itself to it's master passion. To believe your own thought, to believe that what is true for you in your private heart is true for all men - now that is genius."

The Daily Dialogue…

Everyone seems wanting to know. To find out. Me too… . Because my work, I write all day long professionally & work very hard for my craft as well as for my yet to publish book. And for almost most of my life I have passionately resisted keeping a personal journal (unsuccessful). It seemed too much effort & I really didn’t have the time. There was rarely a quieting of my mind. I discovered my mind will simply grab hold of a single thought like a pitbull terrier with a bone & not let it go until I’m totally exhausted or have lost interest on the subject.

So, I realised one day, desperate to quiet the voice in my head, I took a spiral notebook & began having a conversation with myself on the paper. Everything I worried or upset about just spilled out in a rapid stream of consciousness. (that’s when I was 6 and that’s how my mom discovered my writing abilities) As for the present, what I was doing was not so much recording the events taking place in my life as much as eliminating the mental minutiae that was depleting my creative energy & driving me crazy. But that was how I am able to let go & get on with my day. “Groan & forget it,” the writer Jessamyn West advised. She’s right apparently. This ritual became very centering & therapeutic.

I have been doing my daily dialogue for many years now, & while I may sometimes skip here & there for a few days, I always look forward to checking in with my consciousness because this inner tool really works. It clears my mind & calms my restless spirit. It will do the same for you. Interestingly, after a while, the pages take on a life of their own. I called this ritual the daily dialogue because you are really conversing with someone much wiser and saner as you write : your authentic self. These will also be the beginning of my book - The Gratitude Journal

DaRkAnGeL's WoRdS oF WiSdOm :

"Living is a form of not being sure, not knowing what next or how... No one entirely knows. We guess. We may be wrong, but we take leap after leap in the dark."

Poem For My dear "hunter" friend

The woods were made for the hunters of dreams
The brooks for the fisher of song
To the hunters who hunt for the "gunless" game
The streams and the woods belong.

~ By DarkAngeL ~

NB : Needs explanation? Place your comments or your guess. I will explain in due course.